I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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