I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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