just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
