During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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