he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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