i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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