Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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