12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
