I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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