I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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