The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
