no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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