You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
