Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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