Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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