Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
That's how pantless uber rides happen
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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