Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
