The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
