yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
