dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
