You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
