Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
