And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize