ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
