he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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