no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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