You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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