nut hugger
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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