worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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