i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
