There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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