this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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