i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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