Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
