After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
