you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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