I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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