I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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