shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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