I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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