She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
