That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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