He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
