Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
