Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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