Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
