Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
