I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I love having hate sex.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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