have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
