i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize