shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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