my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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