If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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