My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
