as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
