how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Randomize
