Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
