I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
