im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
