So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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