Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
