Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
