You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
