i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
