this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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