Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
