Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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