She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
