i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Welp...herpes.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
